It’s amazing what having a purpose does to one’s life. I’ve been feeling a bit down lately and thinking a lot about what my purpose in life is. I felt like I was in an “in between” stage where I wasn’t really doing anything for God, and I was just waiting for college to start, when I could actually be of use to God and society. What really got me thinking about all of this was my TOK (Theory of Knowledge) class yesterday during school. The last two classes we’ve been talking about death and meaning and purpose in life. The general consensus was that no one really thinks about their purpose in life a lot. Except me. I think about what I’m supposed to be doing, what my purpose is, everyday. It nags at me daily that I’m not doing anything. I feel desperate to find a purpose, and consequently meaning, in my life. But I just couldn’t seem to find anything.
All of the above was really getting to me, and one question in TOK really stuck with me. What gets me out of bed in the morning? Well, all the students in my class including me said “school” of course. But I started thinking. If school wasn’t required, would I ever get out of bed? Well, the main reason I somewhat enjoy school right now is because of the social interaction. Even though I’m an introvert, I can’t go long without interacting with someone. Being an extroverted introvert, I actually need human interaction a lot. Not necessarily talking and such, but just the presence of others. My love language is also personal time, so that might contribute to that also. Anyways, it’s a bit disturbing that the only reason would get out of bed would be for social interaction. With that reasoning, there’s no purpose in my life. And after a while, I know that I would eventually stop going.
I needed a purpose. Without a purpose, I float in the wind, not alive, but not quite dead. Nothing special. Not doing anything for my God or my society. So last night, I decided that I need a purpose. Any purpose. No matter how simple, I needed something that would give me motivation, that would give me excitement to get up and live the day I’ve been given. Thinking back over some of my previous posts, I decided that one thing that gives me joy is to make other people smile. When the people around me are happy, I am happy. Giving my friends or peers a reason to smile and have some sort of happiness in days just as stressful as mine is a purpose that I love to fulfill. So, with this new purpose to try out the next morning, I wrote “Make people happy” on my hand as a reminder and went to bed.
Fast-forward to this morning. I wake up early (though I intended to wake up earlier) am and immediately filled with energy. Most likely the energy came from me realizing I slept in and had some homework to finish, but I had energy! I finish my homework, pleased that it went very quickly, and then got ready. “Make people happy” was still in my mind, and as I put on one of my favourite outfits and realized my hair actually looked nice, I discovered that I was filled with excitement and joy. Joy. It’s been a while since I felt joy. This newfound, simple purpose I gave myself was filling me with joy. And I hadn’t even seen anyone!
Throughout the rest of the day, I tried to give others a reason to smile and be happy. My positive attitude and happy demeanor is such a relief from my sick, tired, and depressed self that’s been living in me for the past few weeks. I feel happy; I feel joyful; I feel like I can conquer the world. It amazes me that such a small, simple purpose can give my life such meaning and joy. That’s my story for today! Have you found your purpose?