Craving

When I’m extremely stressed or bored, I eat. It’s not a good habit to have, but since swim started, I’ve sort of broken that habit. Until Monday.

Monday was …. hectic. But before I go into Monday, let me give some background info on Sunday night. Sunday night I felt the holiday blues as the next day was a school day. Before we were about to leave to go to my youth group’s First Sunday event (a huge party/celebration I look forward to every month), everything started to go wrong. I realized my contacts had become dried out due to being left out after I rushed out the door for morning church. It wasn’t a huge deal, but it was my breaking point. I sat down on my floor and started crying. The tears came rolling out, and I just couldn’t stop. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t see any hope. I felt complete overwhelmed and confused. Panicky. The end result was I missed the First Sunday event, but I did get some of my Science Fair done, which was part of my stressing.

Now for Monday.

Monday morning I woke up and tried talking myself into skipping school. As if I had a choice. After wasting ten precious minutes, I realized I had no choice in the matter and got up to get ready. Skipping forward to after school and after swim, I came home … and craved. I didn’t want to do anything but eat. No music, no homework, no sitting/sleeping by the fire. I wanted to eat. This unhealthy desire to eat hadn’t touched me since I started swim. Because of swim and the exercise I had lost that crave, and actually been less hungry because of whatever reasons. But Monday night I felt the crave. I mostly resisted.

Tuesday.

Fortunately and unfortunately, school was canceled on Tuesday. It’s fortunate because after one day of school, I was worn out. Realistically, I hadn’t gotten over my panic attack. And unfortunatley, I was still craving. The temptation to eat was still with me, and since I was home all day, the whole kitchen was available.

I can’t say that I’m over my panic/temptation attack, but I have been trying to be strong with God’s help. I’m sort of scared that once swim ends, I’ll rediscover my eating temptation and start gaining weight again and undo all the health I’ve found in swimming. Somehow, I can be strong.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12 NIV)

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