Wisdom Hurts

Wisdom does really hurt sometimes. Often, when people think of a wise person, they think of an elderly man with a long white beard, solving world problems and making rainbows in everyone’s love life. But really, wisdom is more often than not found in making a hard decision. If there’s an obvious and easy right solution to a problem, then it doesn’t really take wisdom to choose that answer. Wisdom comes into play when the right decision is not the easy decision. When you choose the duty over desire, that is wisdom.

It’s hard to give friends wisdom. That seems kind of contriversal, but think about it. Wisdom is a gift given to few, but surfaces in choices everyone has to make. One of my friends is in a slight situation right now. She’s “dating without dating” a guy which is basically they’re going on group dates, texting each other until one falls asleep, talking about kissing, etc., but she’s not allowed to date. Unofficially dating might be a better term. Anyways, I was talking with her about it yesterday, and I realized that I had been in the exact same situation a few months ago. A certain handsome guy in my youth group said he liked me, and I thought I liked him back, but one day, he asked me “if you were allowed to date, would we be dating?”. That was the question I had hoped he would never ask. I had been living a fantasy for at least a month with this boy. Every girl has that desire to be loved by a guy, to feel special. He made me feel special. But I realized after he asked me that question, that I didn’t like him for the right reasons, and there was absolutely no chance that I could date him, my parents didn’t allow me. So I told him no. It wrenched my gut apart, and we haven’t really been the best of friends since, but I’m glad I did what I did when I did. I stopped everything before things got serious.

I’ve tried to convey the effects of my decision to my friend, without exactly telling her up straight that she should stop this back-and-forth dating, but she can’t make up her mind. In my eyes, the wisest thing to do would be to tell her guy that the possiblility of them dating right now is impossible, and they should just be friends (they can date in the future) so that no matter what happens in the future, they’ll at least be super good friends. I think she needs to tell him this soon because in a boy’s eyes, no matter what the girl says, the guy usually thinks that he’s going to be the prince to change her mind. To keep playing this game (for it really is just a game) will make the eventual reality harder, and it’s almost cruel to drag out this iffy relationship. But it all comes back to wisdom hurts. Wisdom always chooses the right thing to do, but not always the easy thing to do. Wisdom is something that takes self-discipline. Wisdom calls for trust in God.

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