Today was amazing, but horrible at the same time. I felt like I was floating the entire day; it was both freeing, but worrying. Conforming to the rebellious teenager’s way, I accpeted a I really don’t care attitude for everything I did. My mind was controlled by a failing auto-pilot. Going up and down. Is today Tuesday? It sure felt like it. Or is it Thrusday? It feels like that too. I can’t even tell the days apart. What in the world have I gotten myself into?
For all of you concerned readers out there, I’m sorry if I just scared you. This post has nothing to do with alcohol or drugs, but with two things that I’m addicted to: stress and sleep. However, these past few days have deprived me of my sleep and overloaded me with stress. I think my brain imploded. Anyways, today I got the brunt of the results of my wacky schedule. The first thought in my head when I woke up this morning was, “Which one of my classes can I sleep through?”. Unfortunately, the answer was none. So instead I stumbled through my day, strangely getting more and more awake as the day went on. Maybe it was the weight of my conscious being lifted off my shoulders. Who knows.
This post is a little all over the place, but I do really want to talk about my addictions. Everyone has an addiction. Mine happen to be stress and sleep. Others are addicted to food, alcohol, drugs, clothes … you name it. Addictions are things that we become comfortable with, or at least expect in our lives. When it’s taken away, we can get a bit crazy. A few days without sleep has left me a bit crazy, but a few days with more stress has had an interesting impact on me. Instead of panicing because I had so much stress, it just floated away on the wind. This may seem like a good thing, but I started to disregard what was causing the stress. I have a bunch of homework to do? Ha, I’ll leave it for tomorrow. I have auditions tomorrow? I’ll practice tonight. I’m really hungry? Well, I’ll get food eventually. It startles and sort of scares me that I can be so heedless of everything that’s going on.
The reason I titled this post “I’m In Withdrawl” is because it would get people’s attention of course, but because right now I’m reading a book where the main character has been tricked into becoming addicted to a certain drug. Instead of being the toned, alert Ranger that he had been a few days ago, the main character was now a mindless animal waiting for a command. That’s how I felt today. Mindless. Willfulless. Empty. Maybe I was finally able to cast all my anxiety and stress on God, but I don’t know. I just feel weird.