Supremely Pitiful

Today, I wrote most of my thoughts down in my journal, so I think I’ll just type them up for all the world to see.

“I feel useless. Extremely useless. I’m doing nothing with my life! I feel like I really don’t understand myself. What I want to do/be. What I’m supposed to do/be. I’m a sad butterfly stuck in the mud. Not sure how to get out. I want to continue to grow, but I want to do something in the meantime. I get that God loves me. I really do. I’m all dressed up with no where to go. What should I do? I fail at making music. My artwork isn’t the best. Homework is boring. That leaves climbing trees. And cleaning my room. Maybe I could write some more on my stories. Not that they’re any good. I need to get out of this house. I feel too comfortable. And I eat too much food. One of my meals could probably feed a whole family somewhere else in the world. I feel so priviledged, and I want to give it away and share, but I can’t. I don’t know how. I feel stupid because I can’t do anything with my life.”

Yup. That’s my pitiful, depressing view on life right now. Sorry if it wasn’t interesting. I just needed to get it all out.

One last note. If anyone is at all interested, I made an ask.fm account. Feel free to ask me any questions! http://ask.fm/themessybun

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2 thoughts on “Supremely Pitiful

  1. notsosupergirl says:

    I used to journal but I found myself focusing on my problems even more than ever so I stopped. I did love the fact that through my writing, i could actively see God working in my life, through my struggles. I honestly felt useless during that time myself. What kind of person was I; that could be of any use to God, while I’m stuck fighting all these other things. You are doing more with your life than you’ll ever realize now. The fact that you had the courage to start a blog and so openly share what you think and feel, is astounding and I know it’s touching lives.

    Sometimes it’s best to step back and stop trying to understand yourself. Because you can’t. God knows you better than yourself, way better than yourself. Step back and ask him to show you more about yourself. More about your heart and life and areas you need to work on. Let him into the deepest, darkest part of you and let him look inside. Let him change you, renew you, and show you who you were meant to be. The things that you hide from others, even from yourself, are the things God values the most. When you surrendered to Christ, you didn’t just surrender the visible things, you agreed to surrender things you didn’t even know were there.

    I have asked God many times, what do I do now? Let me go somewhere, let me do something, I want to change the world. He loves that attitude, but can tell you to wait. He tells you to look at him, seek him, and he will direct your paths. Simple, right? We make things harder than they really are. God takes your weaknesses and turns them into something beautiful. The world says “be strong”, because they feel like their on their own and have to fend for themselves. God says “be weak”, you don’t have to fend for yourself, I’m right here, lean on me.

    Feeling guilty about what you have been blessed with, is not what God intended. Be glad you have food. Be glad you have a home. And sometimes the things you share the most, are the things you never even knew you shared at all. Things like a small compliment can change a life. But don’t get too comfortable with the phrase “actions speak louder than words” it is equally important to speak with words and it is to speak with actions.

    If you want to go for something bolder, tell yourself that every month, you’ll share Christ with one person you don’t know. Verbally share the gospel, actually share your faith. If you have a desire to bump up that goal, go for it. Make his name known! You are loved, God is going to do awesome things in your life. Things you never even dreamed of. Know that you are chosen, holy, and loved by God. You mean the world to him. He delights in you.

    Praying for you,
    Mackenzie πŸ™‚

  2. click here says:

    Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything like this before. So nice to find somebody with some original thoughts on this subject. realy thank you for starting this up. this website is something that is needed on the web, someone with a little originality. useful job for bringing something new to the internet!

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