The Pain of Remembrance

When I was a child, I had very crooked teeth. Especially the front two ones. As a result, four years ago I was “blessed” with the opportunity to have braces. I put that word in quotation marks because having braces was the most painful and dangerous part of my life that I’ve had so far. They were a blessing though because it was smack dab in the middle of the recession when I got them. A lot of the money came from my Great Aunt, who had gotten her braces in the middle of the Great Depression. Both her and my parents thought that it was more important to spend a couple thousand dollars on our teeth than to use that money to give the whole family a little more comfort in a time of need. It was a great gift. Just not the most pleasant one.

So, after three years of braces (yes, three long years), I finally was free! No more metal, no more aches and pains, no more food restrictions! (Not that I followed them anyways) I thought I was free. Then I was condemmed to lifelong retainers. Yay. Hoorah. Bleh. They’re not that bad, but if you forget to wear them for a week…or two….or three… then they become very, very, very painful.

Unfortunately, I must admit that I had stopped wearing my retainers about three weeks ago. I origionally stopped because I had the flu and didn’t want to contaminate my retainers. But now that I’m mostly well…..I just kept forgetting every night. Tonight was different though. I remembered. I’ll be surprised if I get any sleep tonight the way that my retainers are pulling on my teeth. Trust me, it is not a pleasant feeling.

Thinking about this, I kind of have another confession. This one I’m a little ashamed of. A lot ashames of. My retainers are like God. No, not slimey and pink, but ignored a bit. I may have thought about Him, but I didn’t take the extra few steps to walk with Him and talk with HIm. And so I’ve fallen away from the habit. A habit that has been slipping away for the past five months. The habit of talking, praying, meditating with God. Sometimes I try to get back on track, but it’s hard and painful. I just keep disappointing myself and Him. I don’t even feel worthy enough to talk to Him. It’s my fault that I’ve fallen away. I know that He reached out His hand as I fell, but I was looking down at where I was falling and not looking up. I regret that.

However, living life with regrets is no fun and not healthy. So I’m going to focus on today instead. I’m going to focus on climbing back up the cliff to God’s side and get back on my Path to Christ. I know that there I’ll be safe. There I’ll be loved. There I’ll be free.

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