Rambles from the soul

Wow. I’ve been absent for at least a week! My excuse: this is my 100th post and I wanted it to be something important, insightful, inspiring. Instead, it’s just going to be my random thoughts scrambled onto this blog. Enjoy!

One thing I’ve been thinking about lately is the idea of when I die. Knowing myself, there might be a chance that I die early. If it’s for God’s cause, then I’ll be the happiest person that ever lived. But even though I might be having a joyful time up in heaven, I know that on earth, those that loved me will be having hard times. And I almost … no I do. I do feel sort of guilty and ashamed because I’m not sharing the whole truth of who I am with those that love me. I’m hiding the true me that would make them all even more proud. But I can’t change that overnight. So what if I did die tonight? What if in the morning, I did not wake up? I can’t even imagine the agony and grief that would happen. But even after I leave the earth, I want to leave clues so that, even though I won’t be there with them, my family and friends can explore my inner thoughts. Things like my diary and stuff on my iPad, I want them to read this stuff. I want them to find me. Hopefully I’ll be able to share it all with them before I die, but the will of the LORD comes first before all else. And He has blessed me so much, I am ready and willing to give it all back up to Him, and no one will be able to stop me. He has placed a fire in my soul that burns. It burns with passion when He speaks to me, but burns with a pain when I cannot find Him. It is always there. And it’s burning strongly right now. He wants me to do something. Something is coming soon. I can just feel it. I am ready LORD. Take me and use me. I have an unquenchable thirst to do His will. Never will it ever go away. For Christianity is not a temporary thing or job; it is who I am. Without Jesus, who am I? A molecule of dust floating in the sea of despair. But no, I have Christ who is within me, bursting forth to all the nations. And I wish from the deepest part of my soul that He will carry forth His words onto my tongue and fingers so that I may impact all of His creation and bring them to Him. He is calling to His children. And they are calling to Him. Who are we that we think we can live without Him? Who are we to disregard His sacrifice. He died on the cross for us. He died for us. Three in one, they live in me. It makes me quiver with desire to go out and speak to the masses; He is moving me. I know not where to go, but like with Abraham, He will guide me and show me where to go. Like the stars in the sky, I know I can make a big impact as soon as I let go and let God. I never really got that statement before. I do now. Like holding on to a handhold in the midst of a hurricane, as soon as I let go of the worldly thing, He will carry me and I will become the hurricane, and I will impact people. Oh what an impact. And He is the one behind it all. The mastermind of this all. We have ran from Him, but as a shepherd, He has dutifully followed us and called us gently back to the green pastures. He waits for us, loves us, cares for us, died for us. Do not imagine for a moment that He does not care for you. You. Sitting wherever reading this. Stop. Don’t read any more for a moment and think of God. Are you lost? Listen carefully and He will speak to you. Don’t disregard anything. He’s there. Does the storm quiet for a moment? Do the rains lessen? Or do they intensify? Are they raging at you, the world seeming too strong? But those walls guarding you, they are the LORD, keeping you from harm. He is blessing you. Those in bad situations, can you not see the blessing in your pain? If you have hope, you can rise to sit with the kings and queens. With the one and only King. He is your master and you are his slave. But how do we humans deserve this position of slave? We are nothing, not even worthy of being dirt on His feet. How do we dare call Him by name? My LORD. He is too almighty, too worthy, too precious. Something like that often seems fragile, but nothing is stronger than my God. No diamond can scratch Him. No warrior can overthrow Him. He is strong and He loves me. He loves me a lot. He loves everyone. He loves you.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13


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