Putting my soul into a box

The last thing I heard as I was leaving my grandma’s house was, “Don’t forget to send me your Christmas list!” For many kids, this is the invitation to pull out pen and paper and write a novel of things they want. For me, I found writers block.

This past spring, I became really in sync with God and part of that was when I let go of the world. I realized that these worldly things don’t matter and won’t travel with me. It was a releasing feeling; a feeling of being free. Fortunately and unfortunately, it left me with the lack of wanting of worldly things. That’s a mouthful. Basically I don’t really want stuff. I appreciate the meaning behind the gifts, but most of the stuff I’ll be receiving I won’t be able to take with me to the next step. It’ll just become stuff.

That answer isn’t going to satisfy my grandma though. So after a while (and with a great deal of help), I’ve finally come up with a list for my grandma. Clothes, jewelry, surprises, and money. Nothing special.

So now I’ve got me out of the way. Now it’s time for everyone else. A Barbie for my sister? A tie for my dad? A cooking utensil for my mom? Anything that my brain comes up with seems meaningless and cheap. I want to give them something that they know I really spent a lot of time on. Something that meaning. Something from my soul. But how do I box up my soul to give to others? Locks of hair are traditional, but they give me the creeps. Promises to do whatever they want? Sounds like slavery. I again had a hard time coming up with stuff. I was figuring the problem over when I realized that what I wanted to give them was a memory. Something that is part of me, but isn’t. Some part of my personality that they can carry around with them or put on a shelf to look at. Pictures are good at capturing moments and songs can capture the inner feelings. These and others aren’t random things I created or bought through panic. They’ll take thought and deep examination of myself.

So that’s what I’m planning to do. I won’t get into specifics, but hopefully these gifts will show just how much I love each and every person I give them to. And also how much Jesus loves them too.

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