So, last night I had another of those freaky panic moments. And I’m sure when I tell you, a lot of you are going to go, “Ugh, teenagers” and roll your eyes. But it’s actually bigger. And more important.
So, the big thing was that I wasn’t able to get on the computer. Okay, okay. Just, stick with me. Ever since the power connector to my laptop went kaput, I’ve been using my older sister’s laptop to do this blog and other things. I’m actually surprised that she let me use it at all; so, “thank you sis!” But yesterday she didn’t want me to have it.
I had gotten used to her saying yes, so when she said no, I was like, “what?”. Afterwards, I pleaded and begged that she would let me use it, but the answer was continuously no. Bummed, I went to my room and basically just sat on the floor for a while as if in shock. Why was this such a big deal though? I think it’s because this blog is my way of getting my feelings out. That’s why my journal entries are much longer when I’m on vacation. I don’t have my blog to write on. Another thing was that I wanted to talk to my new friend, the one I mentioned in What’s Your Story?. We had talked earlier about my day, but I had totally forgotten to ask them about their day. I also had a few other things I wanted to talk to them about. So that was another reason why losing the computer was a big deal. I lost communication with my Christian vent buddy/counselor/friend.
So, I do write in a paper journal along with this blog. But the reason that the journal isn’t enough is because I’m the only one reading it. It’s displaying my feelings and emotions to me. This blog is displaying my feelings and emotions to the world. It’s an outward thing. Too long have I been pulling all of my stuff inward. I need to push it all out to find peace inside.
So, yeah. That’s about it. I’m a little afraid because now I see what the absence of electronics will do to me. It’s kind of scary. But if that ever happens, I know God will have another way out.