I’ve decided that I’m kind of like a glow-in-the-dark bouncy ball. During the day, I don’t have very much energy and I’m not as tuned in to God as I am other times. When it gets dark though, my brain turns on and I start thinking and tuning in to God’s channel. Even if I’m busy with other things, my energy level is sometimes breaking the bar. I feel more in tune with God at night and feel like that is when I get the most spiritual. There’s a good side and a bad side to that. The good side is that I know the time when I can really dig deep in my relationship. The bad side is that sometimes it gets too late for me to be able to post on this blog and sometimes I way too tired to think about the spiritual side of my life. That time period of my day is also mainly the only time I think about my spiritual life. I should be thinking about it all day. Every minute.
So why do I do it at night? I think it’s because when I close my door and snuggle in bed, I feel very private. I can finally separate from life and take a look at what’s going on inside. It’s away from my family and friends and everyone else, so it doesn’t matter what I do because it’s just me and Jesus. It’s freeing. Suddenly, when I go to bed, I don’t have to worry about what others think about me. Because they think I’m asleep. I can do mostly whatever I want in my room once everyone’s asleep. I’m free.
Except when sleep takes me into it’s grip. Then I don’t last long. If I’ve already spent my nightly energy, I can conk out pretty quick. Sometimes when I need some spiritual talk, but I’m really tired, I’ll ask God to keep my up until we’ve had a talk. Sometimes He does, but sometimes He doesn’t. Why? Does He think that sometimes I just need my sleep? Or is it because He thinks I need to be more serious about my spiritual life and try to stay up by myself?
I don’t know why God does what He does, but I do know one thing. I need to get off of this glow-in-the-dark cycle and start shining all day no matter what. I need to learn to focus my day on God and seem Him working in my life because I know He’s there. I’m just not tuned in.