Climbing Back Up

I’ve had this white skirt for many years that I never really wore. Is was plain, long, and white. I don’t like any of those adjectives. A few months back, I took another look at it. You know what, I though, this could make a very pretty dress.Β I thought up a few ideas, but didn’t put any of them into action. From then on, it was part of my “To Sew” pile. During those weeks where it just sat and sat, every time I looked at it, I could imagine how neat of a dress it would be. I didn’t look up any patterns. I just imagined.

Today, though, I decided that I would try to transform it into the dress of my dream. I should have done some research before I attempted the project. The first option of transforming it fell flat after a couple of stitches. My sewing machine clearly wasn’t up to sewing with thin elastic thread over lace-like material. So I decided to hand stitch it. That ended up even worse. Half way through, the thread broke, but I just tied a knot and kept going. After about an hour, I finished. I was very proud and loved the way it looked. What did I hear when I tried it on? Snap! Snap! Snap! All of the threads I had carefully just sewn over the past hour snapped in a millisecond. Defeated, I put it back into the pile until I could do some research and try it another day.

My relationship with God is very similar to my skirt-to-dress project. Right now, my relationship goes from pits to peaks every other day. It’s constantly up and down. Even after camp. Sometimes, I let it it too long. I don’t pray every night, I don’t meditate, I don’t read my Bible every day, and I don’t do my devotions. It’s no wonder I’m not progressing. I’ll dream at night of how awesome it would be if I were in sync with God. He could use me for such wonders and even change the world. But the next day dampens my dreams. Then that night I dream again of the wonders I could be doing. It’s an up and down roller coaster ride.

Sometimes I will put some effort into it. I’ll start praying and meditating every night and reading my Bible too. But when I don’t immediately have success in coming closer to God, I start to give up. I’ve tried different ways to get to God. They’ve all fallen flat. Is it because I don’t really yearn for it? I don’t think so. He’s the reason I’m still alive. He’s the purpose of all life. Of everything I do. Maybe the reason I never achieve my goal is because I don’t know enough about Him. I don’t know God well enough to become one with Him. I can’t tell what a complete stranger is thinking. I have to get to know them.

I’m going to try again. With both goals. But I’m going to start with some research first. I’ll make sure I read the Bible and see what lessons God is trying to teach me right now. I’m sure there are plenty out there. I’m going to try and make up the ground that I slid down on the mountain side. I think I can do it. I’ve got a few ideas. Other ideas are always welcome too.

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