Into the Brambles

I don’t feel so good today. I don’t mean sick feeling, but kind of holey feeling. I feel kind of down in the dumps today. Maybe it was the lack of sleep high I got earlier today. I don’t know. I bet it’s God trying to tell me something. I’ve been lying to myself for a while. Trying to push the thought away. Well, I can’t do it any longer. It’s bugging at me and tearing me up. I’ve been walking away from God. It tears me apart just to admit it. God knows it and deep, deep down, I know it too.

I don’t know why I hid it. If I had acknowledged it, I could have checked it and gotten back on track. Laziness. That’s what did it. I’ve been focusing on other things and ignoring spiritual disciplines. I thought I was on a roll. I was; a downhill one. My stubbornness was my downfall. I guess I should go ahead and admit that I’m prideful as well as stubborn. Everything I didn’t want to be, nor should I be.

I gave someone advice a few days ago. I told them to try memorizing Bible verses when you feel down in the dumps. I think I’ll try my own advice. Last time I felt like this, I memorized Philippians 3:8-9, “I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Jesus Christ my LORD and become one with Him.” This verse really helped me put everything to the side and focus on Jesus. I’ll try that again.

What’s holding me back from achieving my goal? My laziness and stubbornness for one. How should I fix that? Take control of God take over my life and change me from the inside. What else? My parents. When I was memorizing my Bible verses, I wrote them on my hand. My parents found out and frowned on the idea. How to solve it? Well, staying on God’s path outweighs my parents’ wishes in my opinion. So, back to writing it is.

Now I need to find support. I’ve tried to talk about it with my best friend from church, but she didn’t get it. I also have a Mormon friend at school. Maybe she’ll be able to be my support.

I hope I’ll be able to jump back on track. I’d appreciate prayers too. I’m scared about what could happen if I don’t get back on. I’m scared that I’m off. I feel like I’m in a big forest and I’ve strayed off of the sunny path into the dark and mysterious brambles. Please God, come save me.

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